My Jake ...

Scene:  Morning. Mom in the bathroom brushing teeth, Jake on our bed watching TV...

Jake:  Hey, Mom, what's "E.D."?

Mom:  (Spit, rinse)  Excuse me?

Jake:  E.D.  They're talking about E.D.

Mom:  (Now hearing the commercial)  Well, honey, some men have a problem getting an erection.

Jake:  Yeah, so?

Mom:  Well, they make a pill that helps with that.

Jake:  Oh, yuck, gross. Why would they do that?

Mom:  (Hearing the commercial now talking about sexual intercourse and Jake's eyes are glued to the set)  Um, well, sometimes men have a problem in that area and need a little help so they can do things they want to do.

Jake:  (Having already had "the talk" and the realization now dawning on him)  Oh, yuck!  You've gotta be kidding me right now?!

Mom:  Remember, you cannot talk about this at school. What I tell you stays here, right?

Jake:  Right.  I'll probably forget about it by Monday anyway. Gross.

(Mom heading back into the bathroom, quietly cursing their dad for never being present for these types of conversations.)

Jake:  (Whispering to self)  Yuck.  That's just gross.  I can't believe it...seriously?

(seriously) =) 

Keeping it Clean

Scene:  Eating out at a restaurant, noticing Trev's very messy t-shirt...

Mom:  Hmmm, Trev, looking at your shirt I would say that you have had some strawberry smoothie.  What else is on there?

Trev:  Well, I would say "crap" but I don't say that.  This is crud.

Say What??

Jake:  Hey, Mom, I didn't know pu**y is a bad word.  (Trevor looking at me for an answer.)

Mom:  (Washing dinner dishes, sure she didn't hear what she thought she heard).  Um, Jake, come in here, please.  What word do you think is bad?

Jake:  (Lowering his voice with impending doom).  Uh, pu**y?

Mom:  Well, that is a very bad word.  As bad as the "F" word.  It actually means a kitty, but sadly, some people have made it into a bad word.

Jake:  Sorry, I didn't know.  They were just talking about pussy willows in school today and someone said it was a bad word.

Trev:  (Loudly calling out from the adjoining room.)  You mean pu**y is a bad word?

Mom:  Yes, Trevor, please do not say it anymore.

Trev:  (Running into me whispering)... Mom, Jake called me a pu**y once.

Mom:  He did?  When?

Trev:  I don't remember, but I'm telling you, he did.  He called me a pu**y.  A big pu**y cat.

Jake:  I called you a puddy tat, like what Tweety Bird calls Sylvester.

Mom:  Okay, boys.  I think we are done here.  Just remember not to use that word, EVER.  If you use it at school, just know you will be called into the office and/or the parents of the kid you say it to will be calling here wanting to talk to you.

Trev:  Hey, Mom, Matthew and Israel said that the word "f***" is a wrestling move.  Is it?

Mom:  No, Trevor.  You know that it is a very bad word.  We talked about this before.

Trev:  (Seemingly pleased that he could throw that in and not get in trouble.)  Yeah, I know, that's why I told on them. 

My Trevor ...

Scene:  Discussing Trevor's poor behavior using our "Trevor 1" (the happy, good Trevor) and "Trevor 2" (the cranky, misbehaving Trevor) theory...

Mom:  I miss Trevor 1.  Do you know where he went?

Trev:  Montana.

Mom:  Hmmm.  Montana.  Do you think you can bring him back?

Trev:  Well, after that he's going to China to see if they can make him a bike.

Just a little taste to get things started...

Mom:  Who keeps putting bottles of water in the freezer?

Jake:  It wasn't me ... did they explode yet?

Introduction

Oh, boy. For those who have boys, that pretty much sums up everything. Boys. Or perhaps kids in general, but I have boys so that is where I pull from.

Jake is my oldest at 11 1/2 with Trevor following behind at a comfortable distance of 8 1/2. I have been keeping a log for some time now on a few of our more memorable "conversations" that have taken place between us in the past, present and the inevitable future.

I would like to explain my children's personalities, but often they switch them up on me so even I, as their mother, cannot always define them. Labels have never been my thing (the "smart one" the "funny one" the "cute one," etc.) but Jake and Trev certainly have their own unique traits.

Jake. Jake is a deep thinker. He analyzes and tries to make sense of his world. He is the boy who wears his heart on his sleeve, which often pulls him down by its sheer weight. This child loves. He loves all and truly does not understand why this isn't more common. He gets his feelings hurt easily by those who know his secret. He is also a complete and utter goofball. He does not care if you are looking. Matter of fact, look! Please! For if he can entertain you it is just icing on the cake! Jake is a social master. He will sit and talk to you for hours, and then probably ask if you can move in with us. Be prepared to have a good reason as to why you cannot.

Trevor. Trev has kept us guessing. He was incredibly shy during his toddler years (and when I say incredibly, I mean incredibly). He came out of his shell big time at age five; crawled back into it at seven; crawled out and broke it into pieces at eight, and now we are just waiting to see what happens. Trev's core personality is completely undefined, and I love that. This kid is funny. Just naturally funny and you will never see it coming. I am not sure if that is intentional or just raw talent. He is a cautious daredevil; a good boy who secretly wishes to be bad. Yes, my antennae is always up! Trev is content to let his brother socialize while he reaps the benefits. They make a good team - that is when they are not trying to commit bodily harm on one another.

The above are simply conversations that we have had over the past year or so. Clearly, some may be funnier to me (don't all Moms think their children are hilarious?) and the humor may occasionally get lost in translation, but I will share anyway. Feel free to share your stories as well, for kid-humor is always embraced!